I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
