He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
