chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize