Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was born a porn star she said
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
