yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
