Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
