Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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