So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
