I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
