I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
