I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
