Where is the hickey?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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