Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize