If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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