Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
