Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
