Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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