So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
