she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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