spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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