is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
