I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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