he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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