yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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