i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
