Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
