Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
