Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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