then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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