We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We talked him into tasing himself.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
