rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
