I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
