I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
