there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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