and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
