I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
