you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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