Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
