Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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