my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i will never coherently bang her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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