sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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