i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize