I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
