it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
