so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
