I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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