$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
