Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this will be a night to untag.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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