Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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