You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
