I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
