Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
