I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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