what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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