so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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