I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
