i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
