she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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