Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize