I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize