Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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