hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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