so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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