I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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