you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
